Like a single raindrop…

Word count: 306 words

Reading time: Just over 1 minute

A great way to improve your writing is to emulate the work of others. That’s why, every week, I present a sentence that I’d happily imitate. Today, I’ve chosen one by Jess Walter.

I know, I wrote yesterday about Jess Walter and his book of short stories, We Live in Water.

I’m so deeply impressed by the man’s ability to write, I’m posting about him again today. Not many people can produce a 94-word sentence that leaves me gasping for more. Here, then, is my sentence of the week, courtesy Jess Walter:

The rest of the world, in every direction, seemed like bands of varying blue, except for a thin gray line where the sea and sky met, and then the horn sounded and a single, smoking plane fell out of nowhere — no Japanese carrier or base anywhere nearby — just a lost zeke falling out of that deep blue like a single raindrop, twisting for the deck, coming so close Oren could see the red suns on the wings before the thing dropped harmless off the stern — an osprey going for a fish. 

Notice Walter’s careful use of commas and em-dashes allowing him to string together clause after clause, and still keep the sentence workable. Observe his careful use of strong images that engage multiple senses — the sound of a horn, the smell of a smoking plane, the sight of a deep blue sky. Finally, see how an evocative metaphor — a falling plane compared to an osprey diving for a fish — seals the deal.

I’ve been raving about this writer to friends and one of them was already familiar with the guy — in fact, he had heard him read at a bookstore. (Lucky man!) My friend is now reading The Zero. He highly recommends it, of course.

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