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If you love editing but hate writing, you may simply be too judgmental for your own good. Here’s how to stop being judgy….
Some people call me opinionated. Others, judgy. Still others, determined. A few brave souls have even called me “delightfully obstinate” — although I suspect they were being sarcastic.
If you’re familiar with the Myers-Briggs typology, I am an INTJ with the J representing “judging.” Spoiler alert: I have opinions about your opinions.
My kids are the same way, as are all four of my siblings (it’s the “Grant gene,” we say, referring to our last name, as we roll our eyes and congratulate ourselves for our self-knowledge).
My kind husband doesn’t have a judgy bone in his body but believes my strong opinions are partly why he married me, because, you know, opposites attract…. He also claims my strong opinions make choosing restaurants easier, but more often he rolls his eyes and says, “Why did I marry a debater?”
But here’s the thing about being judgy. It makes you a surprisingly great editor.
And a spectacularly lousy writer.
I heard a podcast recently that presented the concept that we should shift judgment to curiosity. (Sorry! I listen to so many podcasts each week that I can’t remember where I heard it.) The podcast didn’t focus on writing, but I made the connection immediately.
Judgment is like a muscle. The more you use it, the better you get at using it and the more it seems like an all-purpose Swiss Army Knife — something you can use in just about any situation. It’ll open beer. Help you tighten screws. Remove slivers from your hands. But the problem with Swiss Army Knives is that they’re best in a pinch. If you have to tighten a lot of screws, for example, aren’t you going to be better off with a power screwdriver?
For writers, it’s important to understand we should stop being judgy because judgment is not a useful muscle for writing. Using it for writing is like trying to use your arms to do leg lifts.
In retrospect, I now understand my fixation on judging (tempered by a great respect for what writers were trying to achieve) was what made me such an excellent editor. I loved being able to apply my judgment to words and tweak them to make them better.
But producing those words in the first place? Not so much! Fortunately, I’ve now learned to write, but I had to put my judgment on hold to do it. It surprises me that I did this by reducing the judging without identifying what could replace it. With the benefit of 20/20 hindsight, I now realize that embracing curiosity would have made the job much easier.
Here are the five fantastic benefits of curiosity:
First, it’s a positive emotion. When I imagine a curious person, I visualize someone who is cheerful, happy, interested — basically the opposite of a cranky editor wielding a red pen.
Second, it’s a renewable resource. We can always restore our curiosity by exploring something new related to what we’re writing about.
Third, it’s deeply motivating. It builds our interest, which is what encourages us to work harder and more deeply.
Fourth, it increases our empathy. By being curious, we’re able to learn about what other people are thinking and feeling and see the connections to our own thoughts and feelings.
Fifth, it helps strengthen our relationships. When we’re curious, it’s inevitable that other people will see us to be truly interested in them.
Also, being curious is especially helpful in dealing with the negative self-talk that plagues so many writers. Phrases like…
- I’m a terrible writer
- My words are so boring and predictable
- I just can’t learn to write any faster
Judgment only turbocharges these unhelpful thoughts. But they wilt under the light of curiosity. Instead of letting those thoughts hijack your brain, you can take positive steps to deal with them. Breathing slowly. Noting your symptoms (sweating palms, flushed skin). Trying the 5-4-3-2-1 technique. Reminding yourself that the only job to do when you’re writing is to write. Editing/evaluation always works better later.
One challenge of being curious is that it puts us in a state of not knowing. Many writers resist this state, feeling that it’s dangerous and worrying they’ll never be able to write if they can’t pin down exactly what they believe. It’s like intellectual vertigo — terrifying but oddly exhilarating. As well, curiosity forces us to acknowledge we might be wrong — another state that writers often resist, like vampires resist garlic.
But if you’re able to think first and write later, you’ll find the experience of curiosity to be both enjoyable and temporary. When I broke the habit of using judgment as my personal Swiss Army Knife, I wish I had known that curiosity would be a better replacement tool.
As Robert Frost put it in an interview with the Paris Review, “No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. No surprise for the writer, no surprise for the reader.”
When you’re writing, stop being judgy and shift your judgment to curiosity. The writing will go far more easily, and you might even enjoy yourself.
If you liked this post, you’ll also like How to overcome writing anxiety.
An earlier version of this post first appeared on my blog in 2019.
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Need some help developing a better, more sustainable writing or editing routine? Learn about my three-month accountability program called Get It Done. There is turn-over each month, and priority will go to those who have applied first. You can go directly to the application form and you’ll hear back from me within 24 hours.
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My video podcast last week addressed whether it’s smart to write on spec. You can watch the video or read the transcript, and you can also subscribe to my YouTube channel.
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Have you ever worked to shift judgment to curiosity? We can all learn from each other, so please, share your thoughts with my readers and me in the comments section, below. If you comment on today’s post (or any others) by Aug. 31/25 , I’ll put you in a draw for a digital copy of my first book, 8 1/2 Steps to Writing Faster, Better. To enter, please scroll down to the comments, directly underneath the related posts links, below. You don’t have to join Disqus to post! Read my tutorial to learn how to post as a guest. (It’s easy!)
